I really think i'm winding down the road to depression. I am getting very emotional with no reason at all. And no, its not P-M-S, i think.

I keep getting affected by how others live their life. I keep getting affected by what people think of me. I keep getting affected by simply everything. One minute im fine and then i start to cry at night, just looking at how happy people are with their lives and how.......i wish i had that.

I am very thankful for what i have in my life. Really. Thankful that i don't live like the kids in Africa. I have home, food, clothes, education etc etc. But sometimes, i can't help but wonder why did my life turn out this way? Why am i so boring? Why am i average? Why am i myself?

People my age, they party occasionally for fun, they meet friends and can stay outside till late night, they spend on clothes/shoes. Whereas me, I hate partying. I partied once and i can't take the night life. Whenever i wanna meet my friends, my mom will stop me, saying why do i always prioritise my friends when they don't prioritise me. I can't even come home late without feeling guilty and scared that my parents won't talk to me. While my family is stable on income, to get money from my parents to shop is a miracle. I can't spend and shop always with friends because i can't afford to. And sometimes, thats the reason why i hardly meet up with friends because i don't have enough money to spend on drinks or food or whatever.

Im a very dull person. And i hate that about me. I really do. I sometimes hope i can lighten up and fool around once in a while but i can't. Im just this uptight bitch who is so afraid to open up and have fun. And when my other friends have fun without me, i got jealous. I just dont get myself. I mean, i hate to have fun but at the same time, i can't stand seeing my friends having fun without me. I am being selfish and i hate myself.
I want my friends to be happy WITH me.

I wanna change. I wanna be a different person. It takes time but i dont know how much longer i can wait. I dont want to keep losing the people i love because of my messed up self.

I think i need professional help. Damn, I have been hating myself for so long i don't even think this feeling will ever go away.

I have grown accustomed to having a companion and when i don't have it, i feel lonely and.... sad? This is not weird, right?

I mean, i would really love to have a boyfriend right now. Minus all the dramas, fights, disagreements, jealousy or whatever, the fact that you know your boyfriend will always be there for you is comforting. The fact that you have someone to rely on should your friends bail on you or the fact that you can just hug someone and say "baby, thank you for being with me" is just so.....heartwarming.

When i was with amir, he was always there. When i met with the fire accident that burnt my right arm, i was pretty messed up but he was still by my side. Treating me like a freaking princess, giving in to my cravings and demands. When i was fighting with the girls from school, i cried on him. I told him how unfair it was for me to lose all 3 of them just because they're in the same class and they're always together. All he did was to comfort me, saying they're not worth it and just stroking my hair while i cry on his shoulders. When i sprained my ankle, he accompanied me to Sakura to give my MC and helped me limp home. The point is, he was always there.

Now that he's gone, i miss it. I miss having someone that i can talk to for hours, cry my lungs out with, hug and call mine. Oh well, my time will come i guess.

But how would i know if a guy likes me if he didn't express it, through words/actions? I really hope some guys will just man up and confess, instead of expecting us girls to figure them out. Sad to say, truth is, most guys now think girls are like a freaking mind reader. I really hope my future boyfriend will be old-fashioned, in terms of expressing feelings. Like through a card, or a text, or flowers.

I don't think i'm asking for alot. All i want in a boyfriend is honesty, loyalty, love and care. I want my boyfriend to be able to show he love me once in awhile. Maybe that is too much to ask? Oh i don't know. Really, i don't even know the do's and dont's of dating anymore! -.-

Whenever i think a guy likes me and i told them that i like them, it always dont turn out to be what i expected. Like i would expect happily ever after but no, i just misunderstood them. Its embarrassing, really. So, i really hope guys can just say it to your face instead of making me wonder, do you really like me? And whenever people start talking about how compatible i am with whoever or how much whoever likes me, i will start to think too much and it usually ends up breaking my heart.

Love is so confusing. Mannnnnnnn.

WHY ON EARTH AM I SO EMOTIONAL? LOL!

Yeap, its that time of the day again where you just ponder and reflect about your life. So pardon for this mushy post. ;)

Another sleepless night. Sighh. My eyes will get smaller due to my eyebags getting bigger due to the lack of sleep.



Love you all. Stay pretty and thank you for wasting your time reading my crap. <3 Xoxo.

So i am officially graduating from Republic Polytechnic, YAY!

Thank god. I almost didnt make it. But i did and im actually very pleased with myself. :) Another phase of life coming up.

What are my plans after graduation?
Work. Im gonna work for 2 years and then study. (If i still have the momentum, if not then get married. :P) I really hope i'll be discipline enough to motivate myself to study again after 2 years. Why work first? I need the money. Mom and dad have been supporting me my whole life, its time i do this on my own. And furthermore, mom and dad dont encourage me to further my studies. Sad but i kinda get it. I mean maybe they know im the kind of person who just wont study and i will just waste my time. But i gotta have that degree!

Im the first in my family to get a diploma and i wanna be the first in my family to get a degree. :)

Jiayou meeza, you can do it!

Job-hunting have been such a pain in my ass. Its like so hard to get a job nowadays, even for fresh poly grads. I dont know how long i can wait. Anyone got any job recommendations? Events preferred. ;)

I really miss my school life. From primary to secondary and then tertiary.

All the people i've met, all the people i've fought with and every single one whom i've known, thank you. For coming into my life and making a difference, be it good or bad. I may not have alot of friends but i'm thankful for the few people i have in my life. Thank you hyekel, adam, jess, hakim, aliff, hams, bibi, aida, tina, wani, azah, RJ, sheu and jasmine. Really, you guys are awesome! <3

And i miss hyekel! We were talking about our future together and babies (YES, WE WERE TALKING ABOUT HAVING OUR KIDS), I cant wait to grow up, lead a stable and happy life and just be a totally changed person. (in a good way of course). And hyekel said he's gonna marry me so i have no worries and no rush to find a husband. HAHAHA! <3

I love you all. Xoxo. ;)



Damn. Why can't i be pretty?! :(

I am a normal teenage girl. (Wait, no longer a teen but oh well) I like things that girls like. Boys, pink, fashion and of course..... KOREAN POP STARS.

Yes yes i know, K-pop can be super fake and some of the guys are like gays but oh my god, some of them are super adorable i can literally go crazy!


His name is Cho Kyuhyun and he is from the famous boy group, Super Junior. For me, he's one of the members with such beautiful voice and he is the youngest in the group. So cute! Beautiful voice, funny personality, good looking. How can one not fall in love with him? ;)

You guys should listen to no other from Super Junior. Such a cute song and when you guys translate what it means, its really very sweet. <3


Meet Taeyang from Big Bang! He can really dance and he is famous for his song, Wedding dress. Another beautiful song. And his hair is his trademark! He had that hairstyle for so long already! Hehe. So cute. And when he smile, his eyes will disappear, just like me! :DDD He's super talented and his smile melts my heart. <3

Big Bang have such nice songs and they're known internationally too! Check them out okay!


Another member from Super Junior. Choi Siwon is well known for his charming personality, his super good looks, his ideal height and of course, his dimples! I think girls all around (including me) will go crazy whenever he give his sweet smile. <3


AND LASTLY.... *drumrollll*


Of course he's my favourite! Lee Gi Kwang from BEAST! I super adore his cute smile, his cute personality, his abs (ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh), his good looks, his dancing and his singing! Everything about him is ideal. <3<3 My number 1.

BEAST is my favourite. I love every song from them and they never fail to make me smile. :)

Obviously you shouldnt just focus on them individually. Check out Super Junior, Big Bang and BEAST as a team and you'll like all of them too!


Say hello to my BEAST boys!


Super Junior!



Big Bang!


Right. Check them out. And i love them! <3<3

Till then, peace outttttttttttttttttttttt. Xoxo.

Its gonna be a post with loads of pictures. My entire 3 years in RP, caught on camera. These are the people i got to know in RP and i'm gonna miss each and every single one of them. :')
























































Thank you everyone for making my life in RP a very memorable one. God bless each and everyone of you and good luck in all your future endeavours!

May we meet again in the near future. :')