I'm seriously missing a lot of people right now. Those from the past and those i haven't seen for a very long time. I know i haven't been the nicest friend since secondary 1. Probably the reason why i have not much friends now.

I admit, i am pretty egoistic. I never say sorry unless i really am and i'll never give in. I never agreed to the doesn't mean you give in, you're at wrong blah blah.  I mean why else would people give in to fights if you're not wrong right? To save friendship? Oh please, another cliche i will never fall for.

I always have issues with regards to friends. Im always being used, i dont know why. You might as well label my head "come use me as a friend" because it happens every single time! Since secondary school, I am always at the losing end. It will always be me and a few other girls and they'll end up closer than ever but not with me. Am i being too sensitive? I get upset when they met with each other and didn't ask me along. I mean, isn't the whole point of the friendship is to meet as often as we can and do things together?

The definition of friend to me and to others may vary but i just expect a few basic things like doing things together, share secret, meet up once a while. Too much?

And when i think i finally open myself up to a friend and treated him like a best friend, i end up being left alone and now, we're not even talking. Is it fair to use me as your companion and then "dump" me as soon as you found someone else?

Is it fair that a friend of four years (or even more) totally erase you from her life just because you happened to be classmates and close to her ex boyfriend?

Is it wrong for me to feel that you're not worth fighting for?

Love. Its just so.....confusing. I mean i fall in love so easily and yet its hard for me to move on from it. (Its possible ok) Maybe there are infatuations and crushes in between but to forget that one person i love, man, its hard. I used to think i can last super long with my ex boyfriend, Amir. But after 1 year and 3 months, he suddenly decided to not be ready for a relationship? I mean, who takes 1 year 3 months to realise that?!! I went through a lot with him. From the fight with friends and from the 2 accidents i had that year (the fire accident and the sprain ankle injury), he's always been there for me. Always. He's like a best friend i never had and thats why i went crazy over him. When he broke up with me 2 years ago, it hurts me so bad i just wanna give up.

But then, along came a friend. Into my life. We got so close that it become a routine for us to meet every single day in school. Even when there's no school and we had no plans, we can just text each other and meet up with nothing in mind. We can sit around for hours just to kill time. He introduced me to the music world, with the gigs and all. I will always be with him through jamming sessions and gigs. I will always accompany him when his band members & their girlfriends/fiances are together. He's like super cool with me around and vice versa. When we meet every day, other friends will start to like wooooo, you're with him now blah blah. And his band mates did the same thing too. So it became like a thought to me. "What if we're really together? Will it change anything?" As you can guess, yeap, i began to like him. It's a must for me to meet him and talk to him after that thought. I tried to chase this feelings away but i cant. Its just.... there. So when everything was going great, his ex girlfriend had to get into the picture. He patched things up with his ex girlfriend and didn't even inform me. I mean, we're close friends right? Its like the first thing i wanna know if he found someone. Initially, i was upset that he got attached. But then i realised im his friend, i should be happy for him. So as hard as it is, i was. I was happy for him. Apparently she made him happy. But then it all started to go downhill. He stopped talking to me. Our normal every day chat stopped. We don't meet up in school. He acted like he didn't see/know me. It hurts to know he changed so fast. I mean if we can't be together, at least we'll still be good friends. But no, everything ended just like that. So i went to his gig (for the last time) and he totally ignored me. Until his band mates come and talk to me and then he was there. Other than that, he minded his own business and i...... well, i expected him to talk to me but no, he was too busy with his girlfriend... Boo. So, word on the street is he broke up with that girl but i dont know anything about him anymore. A close friend, gone, just like that.

Thats why i dont believe in saving friendships that have gone astray. I mean if its gone, its gone man. No point trying to save it. It'll be awkward, right?

Another story! (YAY)
My friendship with my 5 4e2 classmates were bonded somehow. I don't know how our meetings become regular but it did. It was fun, i really thought they're like the ones. But i guess its my fault. I let my fight with one of them affect my friendship with the rest. I just can't accept it when some of them tried to change me. It is for the better but still, i don't think its fair that im the only one who have to change. So, since i cant possibly hang out with the one i fought with, i don't meet them anymore. I don't know if they still meet up but yeah, i don't. We recently had a class gathering (i always don't attend gatherings but i just thought for once, yknow, just go and have fun). Well, i didn't have fun. I hate some the chinese people (no offence) in my class because they're always together, creating their own cliques during the bbq and its like, HELLO, WE'RE HERE FOR A REASON? So the guy i fought with was kinda lost, he didn't know how to get here so being the ohsokind me, i tried to help. I talked to him on the phone and he's like "who's this?" "this is meeza la." "oh" And i swear, his oh sounded so disappointed and i-shouldnt-be-talking-to-you-right-now-because-we-are-fighting. So after trying to make him understand, he went like "ah whatever la, bye" I wasn't happy. A thank you would have been nice. So cold shoulders as soon as he arrived. He was all like making people laugh and stuff but i just kept my mouth shut and helped them with the bbq food. So he went up to me and asked "meeza, you angry at me issit?" then my friend said "ya la, coz you scolded her when you talk to her on the phone" They kinda thought it was funny so they all laughed and then he said "okay la, i wanna see how long you wanna stay mad at me" He didn't even say sorry for scolding me, he didn't even bother to make me feel better. Instead, he wanna see how long i can stay mad at him?! So i told myself, it'll be forever.

And my friendship with my girls from secondary school (the usual gang) went downhill since the first fight we ever had back then in secondary 1. So yeah, i kinda lose my hopes on them already.

Thats my sad life. About guys and friends. Gee, my life sucks!

PS: I miss hyekel! :(

Dear god,

For once, i beg of you, please don't let me fail any modules. I wanna graduate like all my other friends and.......yes, i just wanna pass.

:'(

I'm at the risk of failing and i really hope i wont fail anything. Urgh. Please.

Okay, on a less depressing note, okay wait, i got nothing.

Im super depressed right now that i skipped dinner every time. I hope i can slim down la like this. Haha!

So my younger sis faced her first heartbreak last night and she was really crying. I've been there and done that man! But seeing my baby sister crying over a guy totally breaks my heart. Stay strong babygirl, everything will be just fine.

So last night, me and my sister went to put baby bro to sleep. While we were doing so, we were talking about how much life has changed since we move jb. Its not the same anymore, our family has drifted apart and our social life are at stake (not mine actually, i dont have much social life to talk about here!)

We sacrificed our life (very dramatic but seriously, we did) for our parents. We know this move will help them in many ways. But at the same time, we can't help but to feel like we deserve something in return for this huge sacrifice. Mom actually pictured us a happier life back then when enticing us to move jb. She said we will go out as family every weekend and do a lil shopping and we will own a car (a Malaysia car at least). But now, we don't go out every weekend, mom is always in a bad mood, we still don't have a car and we have to depend on our cousins next door for their family car. Initially we were fine with this because yknow, new house, new environment, it was pretty exciting. After some time, we realised that life sucks. We are always bored at home, there's hardly any food and when we ask to go shop, mom will get pissed. Wonder what went wrong?

I know mom regretted moving to jb. She was always against the idea of moving to jb since the start. But somehow, she managed to convince us and herself to move. Mom is always in a bad mood. I don't know why. She expects us to do ALOT of things and when things are done, she's just not satisfied. I think i understand how she must be feeling but i want her to know that we're feeling the exact same way! But its so hard to talk to her nowadays, she's just so grumpy.

Dear mom, i know you're not reading this (it will be freaky if you did) but i just want you to know that we love you. I love you. It is difficult and tiring for me to travel in and out of jb but i understand the need for this. I just hope that once i start working and everything is more stable, you'll give in to us about having a car. That is the only thing i want from this move. I hope our 2 years at jb wont be wasted, i hope you achieved what you've wanted and we can move back 2 years later.

But, i somehow feel i have adapted the whole travelling thingy. I can say that i am living like a malaysian now. :D I just can't wait for the 2 years to be over! I miss my house at woodlands.

I think the cause of my sis breakup was because they hardly spend time with each other eversince we move to jb. Its a pity la, that things turn out this way for her. I remembered my very major heartbreak. It was with my most recent ex boyfriend, amir. The breakup was horrible and 2 years have passed, i still miss him and sometimes, i have this sudden urge to just find out how he's doing and such. God, i hated him so much when we broke up because the reason he gave was stupid but now, i just hope and pray for him to be happy.

Im so over and done being in a relationship. FOR NOW. Im just too lazy to search for love right now. When the time comes, i'll be waiting. But for now, let it be just me, my friends and family. I don't mind dating though, it'll be fun to just mingle and have fun. ;) I think i have forgotten how to date la, like the do's and dont's. I'll just go with the flow i guess.

SOCCER SHOWDOWN GUYS!

Two great games tonight. All i can say is, ledley king, you brought tottenham down. If you hadn't caused the penalty, you could have still earned that 1 point. You suck-ed!!

Yes, stupid man shitty won tottenham 3-2. The winning goal was by balotelli, through the penalty at the 94th minute! Grrrrr.

Of course the other match was man utd and arsenal. No, its not another 8-2 (dream on united). Haha. It was a close game, 2-1 to united. Saw the first goal and didnt bother to watch the whole match.

Chelsea was the biggest disappointment. We failed to win Norwich and ended up with 0-0. Chelsea, Y U NO SCORE AND WIN?!!


Right, besides ranting, imma be a sports commentator here. Stay tuned...... ;)

So after so long, I have finally decided i miss blogging. Like as in literally. I miss bitching about others, i miss changing blogskins and i miss cracking my brain trying to update a post. Brace yourselves people, this is not just any blog. I'm doing this because there will be ALOT of ranting going on and it won't be pretty. Of course there will be good stuffs like what i did for the weekend or at school or all those boring shits. ;)

Omg, i literally can't wait to bitch right now. So many things have happened and so much hatred. Good luck my blog, you're in for a big treat?


Xoxo.